I spent the day as a tourist yesterday. I think I'm going to try to do that once every week or so while we're still in this area. There are so many things I still want to see, and while I have time, I'd better do it. I don't really mind doing stuff like that on my own. In fact, sometimes it's better that way. But some parts are better with someone else - I don't really like eating out by myself, so that would be more fun with someone.
Anyway, yesterday I went to the National Gallery to see just a few paintings. The funniest part was before I got there. I walked down the street in front of the Museum of Natural History - it must be a big destination for school groups because I think every school in the area, plus from each of the 50 states, was represented! There were kids everywhere, and chaperone moms yelling at them. Aaah, it really took me back! It reminded me of the time I lost Daniel Lacourrege at the state fair in Louisiana. Granted, the state fair down there is not the big deal it is in the Midwest, but still, it freaked me out. I think they were in fifth grade that year. I was ready to ring his neck when we found him - he said he had to go to the bathroom, so he just went without telling anyone...
So, the National Gallery was cool. I tend to have a limited attention span when it comes to art galleries, but I did go see the Vermeers, which were amazing. That whole gallery was great - there was one painting of a night time scene on the water. The moon was literally glowing - it almost looked like light was shining out from it. How do they do that! It was something. The gift shop was great too, as promised. But I didn't buy anything. I may go back for some gift shopping before we leave, but this time I didn't want to carry a bunch of stuff around.
Next stop was Georgetown. I rode the Metro as far as I could, but you can't get real close to that part of town, which I think is a little weird. One of the neighborhoods was having a "French Market" fundraiser. The actual event is today, but they had stuff out yesterday. I got to talk to the people that own one of my favorite stores - French Connections. I first saw them in Paducah KY, at the quilt show a few years ago. Their store is in North Carolina, and they travel to different locations. They carry French and African fabrics, as well as other cool stuff - baskets, and other textiles. So it was fun to get to met the owners.
Georgetown has a park on the riverfront, so I went down there. There's a labyrinth there that I'd been wanting to see. It was pretty cool - I walked it a few times.
The most distracting thing of the day was the traffic. Georgetown was so congested. I think I like Old Town Alexandria better. And when I was at the park, the traffic noise was so loud - there is an elevated highway right by the park that sort of ruined the whole peaceful vibe you'd like to have when you're in a park.
I love certain aspects of city life, but traffic is one I won't miss at all. And I know we may still be living in the city, but next time I think we'll be more removed from the traffic - and really, DC traffic is in a league of it's own!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Survivor Benefits Plan
Ugh - have to think about something sort of unpleasant today. I'm trying to be objective, but it's bringing up icky thoughts.
When you retire from the military, you get a military pension - 50% or so of your base pay. Very nice. They offer something called the Survivor Benefits Plan - SBP. It's essentially an annuity. If J T. dies before I do, and we have SBP, I will continue to receive a little more than half his retirement pay for life. I've been reading and researching. Mostly it looks like a good deal - premiums are paid with before tax dollars, the benefits are indexed for inflation, it lasts until I die.
But when will I die? When will J T. die? What if I die first? Then all that money spent on premiums will go to waste. Since Mom died, I've sort of had it in my head that I'll die around 60 too - morbid I know. But then, Grandma was old when she died, and she lived a pretty unhealthy life, so maybe that will be my fate. But then, Granny was young too - but Grandpa was old. And god knows Dad is old and still kicking around. J T.'s family is the same way - some of them were old and some young when they died. Mostly they were young...
Aargh!!! Is family history even that important? The doctors told me that I have no higher risk than the general population of getting ovarian cancer. At least I think that's what they said at the genetic counseling. But, then they put me in the special risk GYN clinic - although I think they were just getting it started and thought I was as good a candidate as anyone.
I met a woman at a dinner a few months ago whose mother died of ovarian cancer. She was having surgery the next week to have her ovaries removed. It seemed a little extreme to me at the time, but then I start wondering - am I just pushing it under the rug? Should I be more diligent? She sort of chastised me for not having had a C-125 screening lately - that aggravated me a little bit. It's not even a good marker of cancer.
Well, I'm sort of off topic. Still have to decide if the SBP is worth it. I have we think about 2 weeks to decide. Maybe I'll have a revelation...
When you retire from the military, you get a military pension - 50% or so of your base pay. Very nice. They offer something called the Survivor Benefits Plan - SBP. It's essentially an annuity. If J T. dies before I do, and we have SBP, I will continue to receive a little more than half his retirement pay for life. I've been reading and researching. Mostly it looks like a good deal - premiums are paid with before tax dollars, the benefits are indexed for inflation, it lasts until I die.
But when will I die? When will J T. die? What if I die first? Then all that money spent on premiums will go to waste. Since Mom died, I've sort of had it in my head that I'll die around 60 too - morbid I know. But then, Grandma was old when she died, and she lived a pretty unhealthy life, so maybe that will be my fate. But then, Granny was young too - but Grandpa was old. And god knows Dad is old and still kicking around. J T.'s family is the same way - some of them were old and some young when they died. Mostly they were young...
Aargh!!! Is family history even that important? The doctors told me that I have no higher risk than the general population of getting ovarian cancer. At least I think that's what they said at the genetic counseling. But, then they put me in the special risk GYN clinic - although I think they were just getting it started and thought I was as good a candidate as anyone.
I met a woman at a dinner a few months ago whose mother died of ovarian cancer. She was having surgery the next week to have her ovaries removed. It seemed a little extreme to me at the time, but then I start wondering - am I just pushing it under the rug? Should I be more diligent? She sort of chastised me for not having had a C-125 screening lately - that aggravated me a little bit. It's not even a good marker of cancer.
Well, I'm sort of off topic. Still have to decide if the SBP is worth it. I have we think about 2 weeks to decide. Maybe I'll have a revelation...
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The end
Finally done with working at NM. What a relief. I am so tired, but somehow it feels good. Usually there is a veneer of anxiety overlying the tiredness. Knowing that the stress will start again on Monday always colored the weekends, so that I never really enjoyed them. Now I just feel tired - that buzzy kind of tired. It was sort of sad to leave, but not really. I felt a little guilty leaving the "team" to keep soldiering on, but not too much. I'm just done. Done with all the stupidness of that place.
I'm so glad to be able to get back to life. I wonder if I was part of the problem. Todd, the owner, would always scold, saying we needed to stop working so many hours. He told me once that he admires a person who can do their work in the normal work day much more than some one who works all hours of the day and night. I wanted to punch him in the nose. And I wanted to ask him which agents he wanted me NOT to pay since I couldn't seem to get them all done in 8 hours. So, really, maybe I could have managed my time a little better, but given the circumstances, I don't think that would have made much difference.
Perception is so funny. To them, at least this is what they say, I'm the "consummate professional and team player". To me, I'm an overworked accountant with a twisted work ethic. Why did I expend so much energy to do certain things, when really, for some of it, no one even noticed.
Oh well, that part of my life is done. Many, many lessons were learned, and really, I guess I wouldn't have changed anything. I would have put up much stronger boundaries between work and life, but other than that, it was a good, but painful, experience. Hope that makes sense.
I'm so glad to be able to get back to life. I wonder if I was part of the problem. Todd, the owner, would always scold, saying we needed to stop working so many hours. He told me once that he admires a person who can do their work in the normal work day much more than some one who works all hours of the day and night. I wanted to punch him in the nose. And I wanted to ask him which agents he wanted me NOT to pay since I couldn't seem to get them all done in 8 hours. So, really, maybe I could have managed my time a little better, but given the circumstances, I don't think that would have made much difference.
Perception is so funny. To them, at least this is what they say, I'm the "consummate professional and team player". To me, I'm an overworked accountant with a twisted work ethic. Why did I expend so much energy to do certain things, when really, for some of it, no one even noticed.
Oh well, that part of my life is done. Many, many lessons were learned, and really, I guess I wouldn't have changed anything. I would have put up much stronger boundaries between work and life, but other than that, it was a good, but painful, experience. Hope that makes sense.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Planning for the Present
I had a thought today on the way to work. I was wondering why Christmas always catches me off guard. It comes at the same time every year, and yet, I'm always surprised when it comes. I looked at the calendar today and thought, "Hmm, December 16...I've got plenty of time!" Ha! It's really only a week away!!!
But here's the thought I had just a moment later. Lately, I've been trying to be more mindful. Paying attention to what I'm doing now, not what I need to do when I'm done with what I'm doing now. Living in the moment. Being present. But, when I do that, I tend to forget that there's a future I need to think about as well. How do these two ideas live together? How do you live in the moment without having done some planning ahead of time? Maybe it's one of those koans - a conundrum.
I have been more calm since I've been doing this though. When I meditate in the morning, even for 10 minutes, my day goes along much more smoothly. So, I'll stick with it, and try to be present as I'm planning for the future.
But here's the thought I had just a moment later. Lately, I've been trying to be more mindful. Paying attention to what I'm doing now, not what I need to do when I'm done with what I'm doing now. Living in the moment. Being present. But, when I do that, I tend to forget that there's a future I need to think about as well. How do these two ideas live together? How do you live in the moment without having done some planning ahead of time? Maybe it's one of those koans - a conundrum.
I have been more calm since I've been doing this though. When I meditate in the morning, even for 10 minutes, my day goes along much more smoothly. So, I'll stick with it, and try to be present as I'm planning for the future.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Importance of Being Neat
I always thought I was a naturally neat person. But I'm doubting that now. I do like things neat and in their place, but I'm beginning to realize that although I like things in order, I'm too lazy to really maintain it. It was easy to do when I had more available time. Now, I just procrastinate, and say I'm too tired. Maybe I am too tired, but I also think I'm just plain lazy.
My desk at work is pretty much a disaster, and I'm a little embarrassed by my whole office. Papers are stacked in my so-called in box. There are piles on my desk. Even when I do try to get organized, there are always things left over that I don't know what to do with. My boss annoyingly tells me that I just need to be better organized. That just pisses me off, and makes me NOT want to be organized, because there, I do believe most of the problem is lack of time.
At home, even though I say it's because I have no time, I'm beginning to realize that maybe I'm not who I thought I was. It's a little disturbing - I'm having trouble reconciling the way I want to be with the way I think truly I am. Do I deny the slobby person within? Shouldn't I accept who I am and just forget about organizing my closet, and cleaning up the sewing room? But, I get frustrated when I go into a room and I can't find anything, don't have room to work. Are these traits innate, or learned? Am I just getting old and tired?
My solution in the past is to just move. And it's worked just fine! When you move into a new place, you can put everything where it's supposed to go, and it stays that way for awhile. By the time things get all crapped up, it's time to move. That won't work forever though.
My desk at work is pretty much a disaster, and I'm a little embarrassed by my whole office. Papers are stacked in my so-called in box. There are piles on my desk. Even when I do try to get organized, there are always things left over that I don't know what to do with. My boss annoyingly tells me that I just need to be better organized. That just pisses me off, and makes me NOT want to be organized, because there, I do believe most of the problem is lack of time.
At home, even though I say it's because I have no time, I'm beginning to realize that maybe I'm not who I thought I was. It's a little disturbing - I'm having trouble reconciling the way I want to be with the way I think truly I am. Do I deny the slobby person within? Shouldn't I accept who I am and just forget about organizing my closet, and cleaning up the sewing room? But, I get frustrated when I go into a room and I can't find anything, don't have room to work. Are these traits innate, or learned? Am I just getting old and tired?
My solution in the past is to just move. And it's worked just fine! When you move into a new place, you can put everything where it's supposed to go, and it stays that way for awhile. By the time things get all crapped up, it's time to move. That won't work forever though.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Let's get Physical
I'm feeling very badly about my physical state. I had an appointment with the endocrinologist today. All is well there - thyroglobulin is way down:good. TSH is up a bit: easy fix with a tweak of medication (Kind of a pain because now I have to take two different doses, alternating each day. Now I have to get a little old lady pill box.) So that part is ok. But my blood pressure was in the "at risk" category, according to the chart on the wall. Strangely, the doctor didn't say anything about that. Nor did he say anything about the 5 or so pounds I've gained since the last time I was there, only 8 months ago.
I feel a little like I'm just obsessed with food! And it's not like I'm eating anything that great. I just feel the need to eat, and eat, and eat. Probably related to stress. At one time in my life, when I had a better balance of work and life, I would fast on Wednesday nights. Meaning basically, I skipped supper that night, and tried to meditate on the fact that some people don't get enough to eat, and to reflect on how much I have to be grateful for. I think I need to start that practice again if I can. I don't know if I'm in the right place in my head to do that, but I think I will give it a whirl.
I know I should only deal with one thing at a time, but I also get almost no physical activity anymore. This is very bad.
How do you get past all the bad habits? I've done it before, but really, how many times do I have to go back and forth. And it's not just the 5 pounds - I just don't feel good. And my clothes don't fit anymore. I think I have some work to do.
I feel a little like I'm just obsessed with food! And it's not like I'm eating anything that great. I just feel the need to eat, and eat, and eat. Probably related to stress. At one time in my life, when I had a better balance of work and life, I would fast on Wednesday nights. Meaning basically, I skipped supper that night, and tried to meditate on the fact that some people don't get enough to eat, and to reflect on how much I have to be grateful for. I think I need to start that practice again if I can. I don't know if I'm in the right place in my head to do that, but I think I will give it a whirl.
I know I should only deal with one thing at a time, but I also get almost no physical activity anymore. This is very bad.
How do you get past all the bad habits? I've done it before, but really, how many times do I have to go back and forth. And it's not just the 5 pounds - I just don't feel good. And my clothes don't fit anymore. I think I have some work to do.
Monday, September 6, 2010
A Long Weekend
There is nothing better than a three day weekend. Well, actually a two-week vacation would be better, but this is nice. We spent a day in DC on Saturday - went to the zoo, because we'd never been. I have mixed feelings about the zoo. I know they are trying to keep some animals from going into extinction, but it's also kind of sad that they have to be so restricted. There were LOTS of kids there as you would expect. I think we were the only ones without kids. I hadn't been around that many kids for a long time. And really I like the kids, it's mostly the parents that annoy me. So many are just oblivious - they think it's cute when an 18-month old wants to walk, but then an older person practically trips over the kid.
We then walked up to a neighborhood called Cleveland Park - had a nice lunch, and then shopped a bit. The Petco was having a kitten and cat adoption fair, so we went and looked at the kittehs...so cute. While I think I do want a cat at some point, I'm a little torn about it. Life is certainly easier without a pet - and less stinky. Am I being too fussy? The thought of a litter box to clean doesn't thrill me. But life would probably be richer with a pet. We'll see.
Yesterday I cleaned - not fun, but necessary. Now the house feels good. I've been cooking too - homemade mac & cheese last night - so good. And I just made some bran muffins for breakfast. Going to put a chicken in the over to roast all afternoon and have that with the leftover mac & cheese tonight. I've gained a bit of weight due to NO exercise and too much snacking lately. Have to get back on the wagon tomorrow.
I'll need to do a little work this morning - nothing too strenuous. Probably go to the commissary to get some groceries. Then I MUST spend some creative time doing something. I have several beading projects and sewing projects to work on. And of course, the ever present ironing. That's not creative, but again, it's got to be done at some point.
Overall, a good weekend!
We then walked up to a neighborhood called Cleveland Park - had a nice lunch, and then shopped a bit. The Petco was having a kitten and cat adoption fair, so we went and looked at the kittehs...so cute. While I think I do want a cat at some point, I'm a little torn about it. Life is certainly easier without a pet - and less stinky. Am I being too fussy? The thought of a litter box to clean doesn't thrill me. But life would probably be richer with a pet. We'll see.
Yesterday I cleaned - not fun, but necessary. Now the house feels good. I've been cooking too - homemade mac & cheese last night - so good. And I just made some bran muffins for breakfast. Going to put a chicken in the over to roast all afternoon and have that with the leftover mac & cheese tonight. I've gained a bit of weight due to NO exercise and too much snacking lately. Have to get back on the wagon tomorrow.
I'll need to do a little work this morning - nothing too strenuous. Probably go to the commissary to get some groceries. Then I MUST spend some creative time doing something. I have several beading projects and sewing projects to work on. And of course, the ever present ironing. That's not creative, but again, it's got to be done at some point.
Overall, a good weekend!
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