Finally done with working at NM. What a relief. I am so tired, but somehow it feels good. Usually there is a veneer of anxiety overlying the tiredness. Knowing that the stress will start again on Monday always colored the weekends, so that I never really enjoyed them. Now I just feel tired - that buzzy kind of tired. It was sort of sad to leave, but not really. I felt a little guilty leaving the "team" to keep soldiering on, but not too much. I'm just done. Done with all the stupidness of that place.
I'm so glad to be able to get back to life. I wonder if I was part of the problem. Todd, the owner, would always scold, saying we needed to stop working so many hours. He told me once that he admires a person who can do their work in the normal work day much more than some one who works all hours of the day and night. I wanted to punch him in the nose. And I wanted to ask him which agents he wanted me NOT to pay since I couldn't seem to get them all done in 8 hours. So, really, maybe I could have managed my time a little better, but given the circumstances, I don't think that would have made much difference.
Perception is so funny. To them, at least this is what they say, I'm the "consummate professional and team player". To me, I'm an overworked accountant with a twisted work ethic. Why did I expend so much energy to do certain things, when really, for some of it, no one even noticed.
Oh well, that part of my life is done. Many, many lessons were learned, and really, I guess I wouldn't have changed anything. I would have put up much stronger boundaries between work and life, but other than that, it was a good, but painful, experience. Hope that makes sense.
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