Ugh - have to think about something sort of unpleasant today. I'm trying to be objective, but it's bringing up icky thoughts.
When you retire from the military, you get a military pension - 50% or so of your base pay. Very nice. They offer something called the Survivor Benefits Plan - SBP. It's essentially an annuity. If J T. dies before I do, and we have SBP, I will continue to receive a little more than half his retirement pay for life. I've been reading and researching. Mostly it looks like a good deal - premiums are paid with before tax dollars, the benefits are indexed for inflation, it lasts until I die.
But when will I die? When will J T. die? What if I die first? Then all that money spent on premiums will go to waste. Since Mom died, I've sort of had it in my head that I'll die around 60 too - morbid I know. But then, Grandma was old when she died, and she lived a pretty unhealthy life, so maybe that will be my fate. But then, Granny was young too - but Grandpa was old. And god knows Dad is old and still kicking around. J T.'s family is the same way - some of them were old and some young when they died. Mostly they were young...
Aargh!!! Is family history even that important? The doctors told me that I have no higher risk than the general population of getting ovarian cancer. At least I think that's what they said at the genetic counseling. But, then they put me in the special risk GYN clinic - although I think they were just getting it started and thought I was as good a candidate as anyone.
I met a woman at a dinner a few months ago whose mother died of ovarian cancer. She was having surgery the next week to have her ovaries removed. It seemed a little extreme to me at the time, but then I start wondering - am I just pushing it under the rug? Should I be more diligent? She sort of chastised me for not having had a C-125 screening lately - that aggravated me a little bit. It's not even a good marker of cancer.
Well, I'm sort of off topic. Still have to decide if the SBP is worth it. I have we think about 2 weeks to decide. Maybe I'll have a revelation...
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I feel the same way about thinking I'm going to die at 60! I guess there's always something else to worry about, huh? Now that work is over, you have an infinite number of choices about what to feel anxious about. Woo-hoo!! Damn our ancestors!! Hurry up and move to Indy so I can come over so we can hang out and distract ourselves from all this unpleasantness.
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