Tourist Day

I spent the day as a tourist yesterday. I think I'm going to try to do that once every week or so while we're still in this area. There are so many things I still want to see, and while I have time, I'd better do it. I don't really mind doing stuff like that on my own. In fact, sometimes it's better that way. But some parts are better with someone else - I don't really like eating out by myself, so that would be more fun with someone.

Anyway, yesterday I went to the National Gallery to see just a few paintings. The funniest part was before I got there. I walked down the street in front of the Museum of Natural History - it must be a big destination for school groups because I think every school in the area, plus from each of the 50 states, was represented! There were kids everywhere, and chaperone moms yelling at them. Aaah, it really took me back! It reminded me of the time I lost Daniel Lacourrege at the state fair in Louisiana. Granted, the state fair down there is not the big deal it is in the Midwest, but still, it freaked me out. I think they were in fifth grade that year. I was ready to ring his neck when we found him - he said he had to go to the bathroom, so he just went without telling anyone...

So, the National Gallery was cool. I tend to have a limited attention span when it comes to art galleries, but I did go see the Vermeers, which were amazing. That whole gallery was great - there was one painting of a night time scene on the water. The moon was literally glowing - it almost looked like light was shining out from it. How do they do that! It was something. The gift shop was great too, as promised. But I didn't buy anything. I may go back for some gift shopping before we leave, but this time I didn't want to carry a bunch of stuff around.

Next stop was Georgetown. I rode the Metro as far as I could, but you can't get real close to that part of town, which I think is a little weird. One of the neighborhoods was having a "French Market" fundraiser. The actual event is today, but they had stuff out yesterday. I got to talk to the people that own one of my favorite stores - French Connections. I first saw them in Paducah KY, at the quilt show a few years ago. Their store is in North Carolina, and they travel to different locations. They carry French and African fabrics, as well as other cool stuff - baskets, and other textiles. So it was fun to get to met the owners.

Georgetown has a park on the riverfront, so I went down there. There's a labyrinth there that I'd been wanting to see. It was pretty cool - I walked it a few times.

The most distracting thing of the day was the traffic. Georgetown was so congested. I think I like Old Town Alexandria better. And when I was at the park, the traffic noise was so loud - there is an elevated highway right by the park that sort of ruined the whole peaceful vibe you'd like to have when you're in a park.

I love certain aspects of city life, but traffic is one I won't miss at all. And I know we may still be living in the city, but next time I think we'll be more removed from the traffic - and really, DC traffic is in a league of it's own!

Survivor Benefits Plan

Ugh - have to think about something sort of unpleasant today. I'm trying to be objective, but it's bringing up icky thoughts.

When you retire from the military, you get a military pension - 50% or so of your base pay. Very nice. They offer something called the Survivor Benefits Plan - SBP. It's essentially an annuity. If J T. dies before I do, and we have SBP, I will continue to receive a little more than half his retirement pay for life. I've been reading and researching. Mostly it looks like a good deal - premiums are paid with before tax dollars, the benefits are indexed for inflation, it lasts until I die.

But when will I die? When will J T. die? What if I die first? Then all that money spent on premiums will go to waste. Since Mom died, I've sort of had it in my head that I'll die around 60 too - morbid I know. But then, Grandma was old when she died, and she lived a pretty unhealthy life, so maybe that will be my fate. But then, Granny was young too - but Grandpa was old. And god knows Dad is old and still kicking around. J T.'s family is the same way - some of them were old and some young when they died. Mostly they were young...

Aargh!!! Is family history even that important? The doctors told me that I have no higher risk than the general population of getting ovarian cancer. At least I think that's what they said at the genetic counseling. But, then they put me in the special risk GYN clinic - although I think they were just getting it started and thought I was as good a candidate as anyone.

I met a woman at a dinner a few months ago whose mother died of ovarian cancer. She was having surgery the next week to have her ovaries removed. It seemed a little extreme to me at the time, but then I start wondering - am I just pushing it under the rug? Should I be more diligent? She sort of chastised me for not having had a C-125 screening lately - that aggravated me a little bit. It's not even a good marker of cancer.

Well, I'm sort of off topic. Still have to decide if the SBP is worth it. I have we think about 2 weeks to decide. Maybe I'll have a revelation...

The end

Finally done with working at NM. What a relief. I am so tired, but somehow it feels good. Usually there is a veneer of anxiety overlying the tiredness. Knowing that the stress will start again on Monday always colored the weekends, so that I never really enjoyed them. Now I just feel tired - that buzzy kind of tired. It was sort of sad to leave, but not really. I felt a little guilty leaving the "team" to keep soldiering on, but not too much. I'm just done. Done with all the stupidness of that place.

I'm so glad to be able to get back to life. I wonder if I was part of the problem. Todd, the owner, would always scold, saying we needed to stop working so many hours. He told me once that he admires a person who can do their work in the normal work day much more than some one who works all hours of the day and night. I wanted to punch him in the nose. And I wanted to ask him which agents he wanted me NOT to pay since I couldn't seem to get them all done in 8 hours. So, really, maybe I could have managed my time a little better, but given the circumstances, I don't think that would have made much difference.

Perception is so funny. To them, at least this is what they say, I'm the "consummate professional and team player". To me, I'm an overworked accountant with a twisted work ethic. Why did I expend so much energy to do certain things, when really, for some of it, no one even noticed.

Oh well, that part of my life is done. Many, many lessons were learned, and really, I guess I wouldn't have changed anything. I would have put up much stronger boundaries between work and life, but other than that, it was a good, but painful, experience. Hope that makes sense.